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As a new ostomate you can expect to experience a number of often conflicting emotions during the weeks and months following your surgery. Relief that the ordeal of surgery is over and that your recovery is progressing, joy because you’re still alive, and perhaps hope because you feel better than you have in years and new possibilities are opening for you. These are some of the more positive feelings you will experience. But you may also find yourself frightened and confused. It is a natural and nearly universal experience for a new ostomate to become frustrated with that new appliance and to worry about how life will change because of it. It is also common for a new ostomate to engage in a trace (or more) of self-pity (the “why me?” syndrome). These negative feelings can combine to cause introversion, depression and even a kind of immobilization where it is just too frightening to walk out the front door, and resuming your place in the world seems beyond all possibility.
First, and foremost, as a new ostomate you should try to stay focused on the things that are positive in your life. I have yet to meet an ostomate who, given a choice between “ostomy” and “no ostomy,” would choose to have the surgery. But your decision was more complicated than that and probably involved choices between life and death or between a meaningful life and a life dictated by debilitating illness. Always remember that while an ostomy might not be the kind of thing you would ask Santa for, it is invariably better than the alternatives. You are alive and nothing else (including that clumsy-clod feeling you get when you change your new appliance) is as important as that.
Second, don’t ignore the negatives. Denial gets you nowhere and negative emotions will not go away simply because you ignore them or pronounce them uncontrollable. There are several ways to address these issues. I’m a big fan of UOAA meetings. At these meetings, you see and meet other ostomates and soon learn that we look like everyone else and lead lives that are really no different than those lived by others. Amazon.com has a nice collection of books on the subject available or you can call your local bookstore. Surgical-supply stores sometimes carry helpful literature or (as is true with virtually any ostomy-related issue) your WOCN (Wound Ostomy and Continence Nurse) can help.
(by Mark Shaffer)
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