Self-Acceptance in Sex 
 

Generally speaking, sex becomes a problem whenever drastic surgery has been performed.  Frequently, the first thing that enters the patient’s mind, after all the necessary problems have been diagnosed, is: “Will I be a whole person in the eyes of my partner?” Accepting one’s self is the first step toward a happier marriage and sex life. By accepting one’s self, one’s partner accepts the patient.  He/she sees an emotionally well-balanced and more relaxed person with whom most intimate relations can be accomplished.  When you have fear of rejection, fear of being unable to perform, fear of being loved, you are a person with a big problem. 

A mutual, emotional caring for and about each other’s well being plays the most important role in a relationship.  A most important ingredient also is openness and a comfortable attitude that accompanies self-acceptance.  This feeling encourages one to reciprocate in kind.  You are concerned about how the other person will react to your body image.  This is normal.  The hardest part is accepting those things you cannot change.  Once you manage to banish the anger of “Why me?”, fear of rejection or hurt, and work toward rebuilding your emotional health and well-being, you will be comfortable with your new image. 

Your partner, who may have no physical changes, may have greater emotional hang-ups than you.  This may be magnified by additional concerns for your emotional health.  Positive attitude will go far in rebuilding the relationship and rekindle the “old spark.” 

It is whatever turns you on that kindles the “new spark”. Whatever brings you joy and establishes and maintains a meaningful sexual relationship will be rewarding.  If there are any unsolved sexual problems postoperatively which were not there before surgery, check with your surgeon. 

We are generalizing. Individual needs must be addressed.  Keep in mind, however, that a positive attitude will be most rewarding!